i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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