I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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