We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
