So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
