You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
