you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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