I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
