He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
did i just pee glitter
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
