My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
