Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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