if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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