every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
