He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
