the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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