We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
