Need sex. Gaining weight.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
