Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
