i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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