I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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