he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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