I'm jealous of your bromance
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I didn't notice because vodka
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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