so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
