Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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