Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
why is half of my head shaved?
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