Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
