I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
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