i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
