ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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