You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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