Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
