I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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