Barsexuality is the new black.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
