"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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