just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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