That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
