By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
