guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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