I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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