A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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