just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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