My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
