do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
