If that was your dad, he is hot
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
