just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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