i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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