I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
