i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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