i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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