nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
