the condom got lost in my hair
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
