my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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