Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
