Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
