maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
