i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
