Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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