I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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