Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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