I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
