what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize