And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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