If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
