So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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