all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
