Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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