Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize