so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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