i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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