the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It's shark week go big or go home
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
