My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
